I know, I know. Where has the time gone!? Where are all the other update posts about my pregnancy?! Between work and school and dealing with life’s curve balls I just wasn’t able to write much.
The two weeks leading up to BabyM’s dramatic arrival were some of the hardest weeks I have ever been through. I was having contractions, often painful enough I had to put phone calls on hold, every day for at least two weeks. One day I had to call into work because I was having them every 1.5 minutes. That night we went into the hospital and found out that I was only 50% effaced and 3cm. After 3 hours of no change they sent me home.
The next week I had an appointment and the Dr said that I was 20% effaced and 3cm. That was the most discouraging news to receive given how strong and active things had been over the weekend. My Dr told me that I probably wouldn’t make it to the next appointment but if I did we could consider an induction. We had been fighting him on an induction the entire pregnancy. That was not something he want and every time we voiced this he was surprised we wouldn’t want one because of how uncomfortable I was.
After that appointment I was broken. I couldn’t handle many more nights of not sleeping due to contractions that were making no progress. I couldn’t keep going to work and having people call me to see if I was still at work or co-workers walking by and commenting on how I was at work that day. Keeping up with school work and items that need to be done to keep the household running just added to the load and I was broken mentally and emotionally. HomemadeDady and I had to have a serious heart to heart. We didn’t want an induction. We didn’t even want an induction at 41 weeks which is when my Dr claimed I had to have a “mandatory” induction.
I looked up all the numbers on the risks of induction. I was surprised to find that many of the numbers used in all the educational materials apply mainly to first time moms or babies earlier than 39 weeks gestation. That wasn’t me. We decided it came down to weighing the risks of an induction and the risks to my mental health to keep going with no known end in sight. I had reached the point of not being able to make that type of decision several weeks earlier. HD made the decision for us and I spent the weekend struggling with guilt over it. I thought I was being selfish and self-centered and not thinking of my baby. I felt terrible for not trusting my body to do what it knows how to do. After all, I already had two babies spontaneous and all natural.
I was reminded that we needed to do what was best for our family. That may not be what was considered “best” but that isn’t what mattered. What really mattered was a healthy Momma in addition to a healthy baby.