Taking Control

I recently had someone comment on the state of me. Of how well I am doing. Of how I seem to be so together. Of how I am taking life by the horns. Of how proud she is of me.

That’s funny. I sure don’t feel like any of that. I don’t feel like I have a support system. That I am slowly falling apart again. That no matter how hard I try to pull everything together, things keep slipping. I feel like I should be taking more steps. I feel like I should be trying new things, more often.  I feel like I have let a lot of people down.

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If I have taken this situation head on and am doing so well that means I should just keep taking steps forward, right? Anything going backwards is just a failure on my part. The problem is, this is an unrealistic expectation. Everyone has bad days. Everyone has set backs. What matters is getting back up and grabbing those horns again.

One thing I have learned the hard way is to surround myself with those who are willing to help build me up. Long time bridges have had to be burned. That’s hard. So incredibly hard on me. It goes against my personality in every way. It has been necessary though. I’m only where I am today because of everyone in the stands cheering me on and the clowns in the ring distracting those horns.

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